In parallel co-parenting, you and your co-parent have little contact with each other. You may find it hard to communicate and work together, but you are both still doing your best to be there for your children in your own ways. Make sure that your children are kept out of any conflict between you and your co-parent. 

Having a clear and specific parenting plan can help reduce conflict. Try to stick to your court orders or parenting plan as much as possible. You may also want to agree ahead of time on how to handle key decisions together, for example, your children’s educational and medical needs. 

It may be hard now, but taking small steps to reduce conflict can make a difference to your children.

This type of co-parenting may be right for you if conflict between you and your co-parent happens often, is serious, or there is history or concern about family violence.

Tips:

• Reduce contact if conflict happens often.
  • Communicate politely via email or text, keep messages short and focused on your children. This can help keep things calm.
  • Do not discuss issues with your co-parent in front of your children if you are likely to argue.
  • If possible, arrange for your co-parent to pick up or drop off your children in a public place. This can help avoid tension.
• You and your co-parent may have different rules at each home. This is okay if your children are safe and cared for.
• Keep your focus on your children. Find out more about supporting your children.
  • Check in with your children often. Talk to your children about what is happening in a way they can understand. They can feel anxious about the changes or confused about moving between two homes.
    • For example, you can say: 'Mummy and daddy do not always agree on everything, but we both love you and we are both here for you. If you feel sad, scared, or don’t know what to do, let Mummy and Daddy know.’
  • Do not pass messages to your co-parent through your children. This puts them in the middle of adult issues and can stress them out.
  • When you and your co-parent attend your children’s events, focus on being there for your children.

Children grow up better when both parents can work together. If you feel ready, you may want to try cooperative co-parenting. If you feel that you need more support, you can seek professional help for yourself or your children.