Behavioural:

• Cries often due to fear of being abandoned.
• Takes sides with one parent and rejects the other.
• Acts out to stop conflict, get attention, or distract both parents.
• Older children in this group may show other behavioural changes such as trouble paying attention in class. This may affect academic performance.

Psychological:

• Believes the parent who leaves the home does not love or want them anymore. They may experience grief and have lowered self-esteem.
• Feels ashamed when they see friends having intact families or when both parents show up at school events separately.

Social:

• Feels embarrassed or different from peers when talking about their family situations.
• Withdraws from friends or social activities due to feelings of shame or confusion.
• May seek extra attention or approval from teachers and other trusted adults outside the family.
• Struggles to concentrate during play or group activities, which can affect friendships.

• When talking to your child:
  • Show your child affection and reassure them that you love them no matter what happens.
  • Give your child simple and accurate information about what is happening. You might say: "Mommy and Daddy have thought and talked a lot about this. We will not live together anymore. This is not because of anything that you did. We have problems staying together, but we still love you very much."
  • Read a book about divorce with your child to help them understand the situation better. Assure them that their feelings and concerns are normal.
• When managing co-parenting:
  • Keep your promises. If you agree to pick up your child or meet at a scheduled time, stick to it.
  • If both parents live apart, ensure both of you visit your child regularly and consistently.
  • Keep your child out of any conflicts between parents. This helps reduce pressure on your child to take sides.
• Working with others:
  • Work with your child's teachers and ask them to let you know if they notice any changes in your child.

• Avoid overcompensating with gifts:
  • It can be tempting to buy your child extra gifts to make them feel better, or to match what your co-parent is giving. However, this can send confusing messages to your child and may have effects that you do not intend.
• Avoid putting your child in the middle:
  • Do not use your child to pass messages to your co-parent. This involves your child unnecessarily in adult matters and may add to their stress. Your child may also feel used.
  • Do not use your child as a "spy" to get information about your co-parent. Your child may feel torn having to decide whether to share about your co-parent’s home or life. It may affect their relationship with you or your co-parent.
• Avoid speaking badly about your co-parent:
  • Children see themselves as part of both parents, and criticising your co-parent may feel like a personal attack on them. 
  • Remind family members not to speak badly of your co-parent too.
• Avoid taking your child’s behaviour personally:
  • They may also be having a hard time adjusting to the changes.

If you are worried about how your child is coping, consider these tips to help your child cope or seek counselling support for your child.