Behavioural:

• Displays challenging behaviours such as calling you names, skipping school, or committing petty crimes.
• Tries to resolve problems between parents by getting involved in your conflicts.
• Shares their opinions about the divorce.

Psychological:

• Shows increased moodiness, depression, anger, or aggression. 
• Feels conflicted between understanding the reasons for the divorce and feeling hurt by it.

Social:

• Distances themselves from the family and spends more time with friends.
• Develops a confused view of relationships and distrusts authority figures, including parents.
• Questions their own values and identity as they go through changes in their family.

• When spending time with your teenager:
  • Show your teenager affection and reassure them that you love them no matter what happens.
  • Stay involved in your teenager’s life. This includes being familiar with their school activities, friendships, and hobbies. Show them that you are present and supportive.
  • Create opportunities for open and honest discussions with teenager. Acknowledge their feelings and opinions while maintaining clear boundaries. Use consistent and firm discipline when needed. Do not give them too much freedom or material gifts to get them on your side. 
  • Let your teenager have space to grieve the divorce, even if they seem fine. Every teenager copes in their own way. 
• When managing co-parenting:
  • Be flexible with plans to allow time for your teenager’s own activities and commitments.
  • If both parents live apart, ensure both of you visit your teenager regularly and consistently.
  • Keep your teenager out of any conflicts between parents. This helps reduce pressure on your pre-teen to take sides.

• Avoid putting your teenager in the middle:
  • Do not involve your teenager in conflicts between parents. This puts pressure on them to take sides.
  • Do not use your teenager to pass messages to your co-parent. This involves your child unnecessarily in adult matters and may add to their stress. Your child may also feel used.
  • Do not use your teenager as a "spy" to get information about your co-parent. Your child may feel torn having to decide whether to share about your co-parent’s home or life. It may affect their relationship with you or your co-parent.
• Avoid speaking badly about your co-parent:
  • This makes your teenager feel as though you are criticising part of who they are. It puts them in a difficult position and may make them feel they have to take sides. 
  • Remind family members not to speak badly of your co-parent too.
  • Do not compare your teenager to your co-parent. For example, do not say, "You are just like your mother/father."
• Avoid relying on your teenager:
  • Do not make your teenager a "parent" by getting them to babysit their younger siblings.
  • Do not rely on your pre-teen for emotional or psychological support. If you need someone to talk to, consider reaching out to a friend or seeking professional help.

Your teenager may experience mood swings and you may feel challenged in parenting them during this period. They may engage in at-risk behaviours such as truancy, substance use, smoking, or early sexual activity. 

Hormonal changes during puberty will also affect how they think and feel. Increased moodiness can be more serious than it appears, especially if it interferes with daily routines. If you have any concerns, consider seeking advice from a healthcare professional. 

For school issues such as skipping classes, work closely with their teachers and school counsellors to provide support. If you are worried about how your teenager is coping, consider these tips to help your teenager cope or seek counselling support for your teenager. You can also share the Youth Assist website with your teenager, which has articles and resources suitable for them.