In many families, expectations are spoken openly, often passed down from parents to children. Sharing these expectations with your spouse can help them understand your family better.

Here are some examples:

• “My parents expect us to visit them on their birthdays”
• “We call our parents every weekend”
• “Everyone in my family attends family dinners”
• “We always respect what our parents say”

When a rule feels hard to follow, try to:

• Share your thoughts and feelings with your spouse
• Suggest other ways that still show you care
• Find small ways to respect what’s important to the other family

Some rules are not spoken out loud but they are just as important. They are often passed down through habit and can be picked up by noticing how family members behave and respond to each other. Understanding these rules can help you make sense of situations that might otherwise be confusing.

Sharing feelings

Making decisions

It is normal to make mistakes when you are new to a family. You may not know all the rules yet. Although these moments can be uncomfortable, they are also chances to learn more about your spouse’s family and grow closer together.

Signs that something may be wrong:

• Sudden silence or change in mood
• Someone being quiet or avoiding others
• Indirect comments or a change in behaviour

What to do:

• Notice who looks affected, and what has changed
• Talk to your spouse privately
  • Ask what happened and what was expected
• Discuss together how you can handle similar situations next time
• Be patient with yourself. It takes time to adjust.

Understanding these rules can help you avoid misunderstandings and build better relationships with your extended family. If you are unsure about a situation, notice how others behave or ask your spouse. Over time, managing these expectations will feel more natural.