In conflicted co-parenting, there is a lot of tension between you and your co-parent after the divorce. You may find it hard to focus on your children’s needs and it can feel impossible to work together. 

Children in this situation often get pulled into the middle of adult issues and are often hurt by the conflict. Find out more about the long-term impact of divorce on children.

This is a very hard situation, and it is okay to feel overwhelmed. Your children need both of you to try your best to keep conflict away. Even small steps to reduce tension can make a difference to your children. 

You and your co-parent can work towards parallel co-parenting over time. Consider seeking professional help to manage the conflict and focus on your children’s needs. Your children can also learn to cope better with professional support. 

Tips:

• Reduce contact as much as possible to avoid conflict.
  • If you can, ask someone you both trust to help pick up or drop off your children to your co-parent, for example, by arranging for pick-ups at school or childcare.
  • If this is not possible, keep the conversation short and focused on your children when picking up and dropping off your children. Try to communicate with your co-parent in the same way that you would talk to a work colleague.
• Keep the conflict between you and your co-parent away from your children. It is harmful for your children to see or be pulled into the conflict.
• If you need to communicate with your co-parent, do so through email or text. Keep messages polite and focused on your children. Do not pass messages to your co-parent through your children.
• Check in with your children often. Talk to your children about what is happening in a way they can understand. This helps them feel less worried. Find more information about helping your children cope.